Nancy Alvarez helped us understand what “chaca-chaca” means, with a great sense of humor and without mincing words. For almost a decade we saw her conducting the successful TV show “¿Quién tiene la razón?” (Who is right?) on Telefutura and Univision. Now she is presents the segment “Sin rollos ni tapujos” in the morning show Despierta América. Alvarez has the authority to talk about sex. This Dominican woman is a clinic psychologist with a PhD in Sexology. “Sexuality is not between your legs,” she assured during exclusive interview with CASA Magazine.
Sexuality of the XXI Century
In March 2017, researchers Jean Twenge, Ryne Sherman and Brooke Wells published an article where they state that North Americans have 9 times less sex than they did ten years ago. What do you think about that conclusion?
Nancy Alvarez: I would have to review that study and its conclusions. I don’t think there is less sex, I think the opposite is true. There is more sex, but of worse quality. There is more casual sex, with no emotional connection or relationship. It is quick sex that is practiced as a sport. Nevertheless, it is possible that in stable and married couples, the frequency of sex has decreased.
Why that contradiction?
NA: This country went through women’s liberation. Women assumed new roles and got empowered. There is a new woman that men don’t understand. Men have not been educated to live with this new kind of woman. On a daily life that causes conflict. Confrontation helps curb sexual desire. The next step is divorce. I think men need to be reeducated.
Are Latinos having more chaca-chaca (sex) than Anglos?
NA: On the study “Men and Sex, Harvard professors show that there are no big differences in the frequency of sex between Anglos and Latinos. The difference is that Latinos are more expressive of their feelings. Sex involves communication and feelings. The healthier you are and the better the relationships you learned to have when you were young, you are going to like more making love, and you are going to have more sexual desire. Anglos are not so affectionate; their relationships are a bit more distant.
You have said the brain is the most important sexual organ we have. Why is that the case?
NA: Sexuality is not between our legs, I our genitals. Sexuality is between our ears, in our brains. Taboos about sex, those ideas that religion puts in our heads, fears, anxiety, all of that is in our head. To have sex, your brain needs to be ready, your mind must accept that sex is something beautiful that you deserve to enjoy. If you can’t be free because your mind is cluttered with all these ideas, you won’t be able to have good sex. You must educate your mind to have sex worthy of “fireworks”.
To reignite desire
¿What is the best aphrodisiac you know?
NA: Testosterone and love. Don’t believe anything else. That is all there is. A woman and a man with no testosterone can have the sexiest partner and be in love, but without testosterone, there is no desire. I can say this out of my own experience. A few years ago, I went through a hysterectomy and I believed I would feel the same without ovaries and a uterus. That was not the case, it was hell. Bio-identical hormones changed my life and it can change anyone’s life.
How can we find out if we are low in testosterone?
NA: Lack of desire in men and women is one of the symptoms. I recommend you see your doctor, preferably a specialist in aging. The level of this hormone decreases naturally with age. It is believed that at age 35, men and women need to start thinking about correcting this decrease. Women usually divorce by 50 and men leave their wives for younger women. This happens when sex is over.
Can the cycle of aging and loss of desire be broken or reversed?
NA: During menopause there is a decrease in desire that also comes with vaginal dryness, mood swings, irritability, and lack of sleep, among other symptoms. I decided to seek professional help. I am 66 years old now and I sleep well, I am not a grouchy old lady, I don’t have vaginal dryness and I have a good sex life. I use bio-identical hormones and I have a wonderful relationship with my partner.
Another recent study determined that the sexual relation lasts, in average, thirteen minutes. In your opinion, what is the ideal duration of a sexual encounter?
NA: At my age of 66, I can spend two or three hours, and I have the time, more. Sundays are the official day of “chaca-chaca.” We can spend the whole morning after waking up, making love, and then part of the afternoon. You can spend 4 or 5 hours, or even days making love continuously. I recommend that if you have the time, just keep going. It is a decision between two people. Quick sex is not good sex.
Is special training needed to have sex for a long time?
NA: We can all train ourselves to be multi-orgasmic. I learned that back in the 90s. Asians have practiced that for decades. For men, it is very useful to learn how to have an orgasm without ejaculating, and to know how to keep the woman at an adequate level of stimulation for those long journeys. Those who have sex like the “rooster” with a quick orgasm, might not satisfy their women.
Sex for the ladies
What is a lesson about sex that was not taught to Latina women at home?
NA: We were given the wrong lesson. We were told that if we wanted to keep a man happy, we had to take care of their belly. We were told we had to feed them good. But the grandmothers were wrong. They should have looked a few inches lower. They forgot to tell us that men don’t play with sex. Don’t believe that a man will stick around if you don’t satisfy him in bed or make him feel wanted.
Sex for the guys
Can you give us three strategies for a man to give more pleasure to his woman?
NA: You have to go down. For a woman to have an orgasm she needs to be stimulated directly in her clitoris. This stimulus can be oral or tactile, like masturbating. You can give her pleasure by masturbating her. Also, the man must remember that if the woman is not emotionally connected, there won’t be a sexual response. The woman wants to feel loved, courted. We are addicted to romance. If you are always fighting with your partner and mistreat her, it will be hard for her to have a positive response. The main thing is to create a relationship of respect and love with your woman.
What is a lesson in sex that a Latino man didn’t get at home?
NS: Latino men must know that women want more than a protector, a provider and a stallion. Women need love and affection and men are emotionally illiterate. It is not their fault. Society and family need to educate them. Men have to get liberated and develop their feminine side to be more feminine and affectionate, so they can listen to their wives, tell them they love them and to allow themselves to cry form time to time.
The #MeTOO movement
What is the main lesson learned from the #MeToo movement?
NA: I completly disagree with sexual harassment, much less sexual abuse in any of its forms. I have been fighting that for years. I am also against women being seen as second-class citizens. However, I also disagree with the excess and terror that has been created. I have heard of large corporations in the U.S. that are asking their employees not to date their coworkers. Where did seduction go? Where did flirting go? What about flattery? I don’t agree.
Felices los 4 (happy all 4)
The popular song by Maluma has brought to light the topic of infidelity and its reach.
Should infidelity be forgiven?
NA: One thing is to have an adventure, and a whole different thing is to have a second relationship. I don’t care about the adventure. If he wore a condom, it can be washed with soap and water. When there are feelings and the man is in love with someone else, it must be evaluated how far he went trying to figure out his relationship with his woman. It is necessary to see is he is afraid of intimacy and is seeking a third person as a scape. The woman must also analyze how she allowed a third person to get in.
What about a fourth person?
NA: Female infidelity is more frequent now. But women are hardly unfaithful if we are deeply in love with our man. For men it is easier to be unfaithful because they have disconnected affection from sex.
Movies like Fifty Shades of Grey and the sequel Fifty Shades Darker have triggered a debate about sexual practices of sadomasochism and domination.
What is your opinion of the movie Fifty Shades of Grey?
NA: That movie is cheap porn. That is a modality of toxic sex. The success of those books and the movies made after, are part of the hyper-sexualization of the American society. This type of sexual relation is based on pain, abuse and exploitation. This kind of relationship has nothing to do with the sex that takes place in a loving relationship.
Happy sex life
Álvarez married doctor Alvaro Skupin, from Colombia. “I didn’t like him at first, because I saw he worked too much, and never had time for anything. But one day I saw him dance at a party and fell in love. He is a gentleman, very attentive,” she explains. “Everything was fast. He told me we were not kids, we knew each other, and he was convinced he wanted to end his life by my side,” she continued. They had two weddings. In 2012, they got married in Orlando, Florida and in 2013 they had a celebration in Dominican Republic.
After almost 6 years of marriage, Alvarez confesses she is very happy and has a good sexual life. “I am a multi orgasmic woman and I like sex. I have liberated myself from taboos and I have worked for my sexual freedom, but not sexual debauchery. I have responsible sex with one person that I love. But in bed, I am free and I give myself to the experience. I am free,” she concluded.
¡Ay mamá! A Dominican that can dance and sing
Nancy Álvarez is a fan of music. She sang from an early age. As an adult, she had a show where she talks about sex and sings ballads. She is also known for being a passionate dancer, with a special talent for Caribbean rhythms. And she confessed to CASA Magazine she is a devoted cook.
Who i sour favorite bolero singer between Olga Guillot and La Lupe?
NA: I was a dear friend of Olga Guillot. I think she was a great singer. But, between the two, I love La Lupe. I like the feeling and passion La Lupe gave to her songs.
What would you rather dance, merengue or bachata?
NA: Merengue, merengue, merengue. Bachata is a beautiful rhythm. It was forbidden in my country because it is too sensual. But it is a lot harder to dance than merengue. Merengue has more melody and allows more things than bachata. And if the merengue is by Juan Luis Guerra, even better.
What dish do you prefer, sancocho (stew) or mangú (green plantain puree)?
NA: I like both. Now, if I make the sancocho and you try it, you won’t want to eat anything else. My sancocho is my favorite. The recipe is simple. I use smoked pork chops and organic chicken. I don’t use a lot of different meats, because it is important to eat healthy, without a lot of fat. I add a lot of vegetables, lots of cilantro and any tubercle. Sancocho is wonderful, and mangú, ¡Ay mamá!